It's Monday Everyday

At first you thought it was because you lost control yesterday, so guilt carried itself to today. Then you added with the fact that you ran out of deodorant, so you stank all day all the way. Then you multiplied it with being working for one of the biggest and most admired companies in Indonesia. Hey, the last bit is supposed to be a positive one. But why do I feel the opposite?

What's the percentage of undergraduates and graduates run in flocks to the city of mega corporations. City of homogeneous culture. City of fancy clothes, fancy restaurants, trending gadgets, stock investments, facebook and e-store browsing and the camaraderie? Ah, don't forget to mention the hierarchy, line of command, play safe, follow the rules, act wisely, self-promotion, 8-hour computer staring, and many more! Wow, doncha juz luhv itzzz!!!!

Forgive me for being so negative. It's gotta be the Monday-thingy. It's gotta be the silenced regret thingy. Nah, it's gotta be me. Me feeling not where I belong. Me still hasn't found the spot. Me begin to think unnecessarily of the shiny light from the future bulb. Me doing the vicious circle again.

I'm blessed to have come this far. I am grateful until a certain point. I feel there are parts of me still wanting to get out. Not accepting doing thing that will add nothing to anything (yes, it is very much subjective). I feel... hey, is feeling the only compass I have when it comes to life choice?

I am not as strong nor as intelligent as Taleb. I do make hasty decisions, suffer from it, yet somehow still alive.

I might make another bold, daring, equally silly (by many people standard, don't know how many precisely) move. I might suffer than ever before, but somehow I'll be just fine.

Expect!